I think the underlying problem here is that B and I are so compatible in just about every other aspect of our lives. So because we differ so drastically in this one area, it seems way more of an issue than it is. I feel bad because I'm not into that stuff and he feels bad because he is. I get annoyed when he's in video game world and he gets annoyed when I get annoyed. It's a stupid cycle and I've decided that it is ridiculous. It is healthy to have unique interests, and each individual should respect the other's individuality rather than attempting to change what he or she doesn't like (within reason - for instance, I'm not condoning 24-hr gaming binges by any means). Easier said than done. But like I said, I'm trying to convince myself. Good talk.
Video games are typically the only thing Tom and I disagree about as well. I realized that his job is pretty stressful, military usually is, and he told me it was his "vent" and also his hobby, so we struck a deal:
ReplyDelete1. No video games when Adam is awake. That's family time.
2. If Tom wants to play video games, I go do something I like to do without him, MY hobby. That's how I got into sewing!
It took me some time to get over the urge to want to have all of our interests and activities be together and the same, but, like you, I realized it's a battle that's not worth fighting. I love him the way he is, and if his only "fault" is that he plays video games, then I'm pretty lucky as a wife.
Agreed! I know this is a very common issue for many couples. I think all guys have a little bit of nerdy in them. ;-) Sounds like you have the right mindset. I like your ground rules. Thanks for the input!
ReplyDeleteDon't feel bad about having no desire to join your husband in his video games. If it doesn't interest you, no need to try to fake it. You wouldn't ask him to learn to crochet or contribute to your blog if he didn't want to.
ReplyDeleteIt may end up being a temporary battle. As you have kids and your hubbie's time at home is divided into a lot more things, gaming is likely to fall by the wayside, at least to a point where it probably wont bother you. I think every wife has similar frustrations though. For some reason the leisure time by men is spent doing what we see as pointless unproductive activities, ie golf, internet surfing, watching sports, gaming, etc. To make things even more conflicting, women seem to be drawn to more productive activties during our freetime, such as sewing, gardening, baking, scrapbooking, reading, blogging, etc.
You're right, it's a difference not worth condemning, because it will only cause friction. You're also correct in wanting to keep his habits in check, as I'm sure you'd hope he'd also do for you. Women are also in danger of getting too absorbed in a book or project that they neglect important things. It happens to me all the time, and I will guiltily admit I'm much more critical of S. than he is of me when it does happen.
One more thought on this issue- Another natural way to forgive these annoying but common tendencies our men have is if they include their kids in them. Playing video games could be become a comfortable bonding experience that otherwise may not have been there, I think especially with fathers and sons.
Sounds like you both have it pretty well balanced. On days it's really bothering you, take comfort in the thought that it's likely to get easier in the future. Then go lose yourself in a good book, perhaps with a bubble bath and bag of chocolate. Who knows, that might be enough to draw your husband away and come join you!
Thanks for your wise perspective Liz! I am becoming more accepting of having different hobbies and interests. Plus, I've been so busy with work myself lately, that we have both seemed to find good balance between our personal time and together time. Thanks again for your input! :-)
ReplyDelete