Thursday, January 31, 2013

Never a Dull Moment

With this life of excitement, change, surprises, and uncertainties, all is held together by relationships bonded and bound by an unspoken understanding shared only by those apart of this unique world. The ebb and flow of deployments, TDYs, PCSs, PCAs, and the like, wane in comparison to experiencing the death of a member of this community of heros. In the past year we have lost three pilots and close friends, and while B and I did not know the F-16 pilot who died in a crash this week, we have good friends who know him and his family well. While life always brings tragic times and trials of many kind, it seems the frequency and severity of the trials that we face in the military community bring unique challenges. We must learn to manage our emotions despite constant ups and downs, disappointments, and sometimes shocking news. We must press on despite feeling beat down and worn out. We must be strong despite our worries and fears. We must be warriors at home to provide strength to our warriors overseas. We must put aside our wants and dreams in support of a bigger picture, a nobler cause. We must wait and be patient. Endure and not complain. Enjoy each moment in the moment. Live and love fully and intentionally. All of these things we learn from this unique, beautiful, heart-wrenching, growth-producing life.

We found out last week that B will be PCAing to a training squadron, where he will be instructing and staying home from deployments for 1-2 years. We are so grateful and excited for this taste of "normal" life! He was supposed to be out the door for #8 in March for four months, so this came as a joyous surprise. We are thrilled! As excited as I am for this change and blessing, I feel for my friends who are gearing up for yet another deployment. Until last week's news, we were in the same boat. The schedule has been so demanding on everyone and I will continue to pray and be there for our military family.

Still loving life,

Military Mrs.

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Faith, Hope, and Love

Veteran's Day - thankful, thoughtful, and proud today. Proud of my husband's hard work and sacrifice. Proud to be an American. Proud to be free.

This deployment has flown by and as we near the end, I reflect on the last few months. Many wonder how we military wives do this day in and day out. I tell them - It's all about your attitude, your relationships with others, your relationship with God, and your relationship with your husband. I would rather be with him and waiting than not be with him, any day. I would wait forever for my man.

Are there hard days? Um, yeah. But they fade in comparison to the brilliance of his homecoming and the many many sweet moments we share when together. And that's what we focus on. That's what matters. I never thought I was cut out for this lifestyle, but here I am, happier than ever! No situation is perfect, and some even seem really bad. But our outlooks, attitudes, and perceptions are what determine the outcome and experience. In the midst of the many unknowns on our horizon these days, we continue to live in the present, one day at a time, with faith, hope, and love.

Blessings this Veteran's Day. Live and love wholeheartedly.

Military Mrs.

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Lucky #7

The number seven has been the common theme lately. My husband and I just celebrated the seventh anniversary of the day we met, our dog just turned seven (in dog years, aka 1 human year), we are on deployment number seven, and this is our seventh year of military life. I have a feeling the next year will be our best one yet.

Speaking of the next year, there are many unknowns on the horizon. I am trying to maintain peace, but it is a constant challenge. There is a good chance we may have to move to a less than ideal location next year. This may involve continued demanding deployments for another 4 to 5 years. We know it is in God's hands, and worrying does no good, but I'd be lying if I said my anxiety levels haven't been elevated lately. Nonetheless, we continue fighting the good fight, trusting in Him, and focusing on the positive. Life is good and God is great.

I count my blessings every morning that I get to wake up to my husband's sweet face on Skype. Years ago, wives would go months without a letter from their husbands off at war. So yes, I count my blessings. I get excited on a Saturday night when I meet my husband online for a Google date, just the two of us. Not everyone has the opportunity to spend an evening with someone who makes them laugh, knows their heart, and loves them beyond words. So yes, I get excited.

It's a unique life that we live, and many may not understand. But the fruitful blessings that abound declare the wondrous love that we share and Christ's perfect love for us.

Military Mrs.

Sunday, September 9, 2012

One Year

It's hard to believe it's been exactly one year since my last post. Where has the time gone? So much has happened since Sept. 9th, 2011! It's deployment time again, and several have passed since my last post. The ups and downs, challenges and triumphs of this year were strengthening. I look forward to more writing when I can find the time and brainpower despite a demanding work schedule and way too many Master's papers. So more to come later. For now, it's just nice to be back in blogger world.

Military Mrs.

Friday, September 9, 2011

Suffering produces strength

Another sad trip to the airport this morning. Deployment #5 has begun. I don't think I will ever be "used" to the deployments. I will never be less sad than the time before. And I think that's a good thing. While I have learned to cope in healthy ways, and understand what to expect and how to handle the various ups and downs that come with this lifestyle, I refuse to become hardened or to neglect my emotions and feelings.

We were so blessed to enjoy extra time together during the past 8 months, as B was given a break from the last deployment (so this would be his 6th). We got a little taste of normal, but I'm afraid it was a bit of a tease! ;) Nonetheless, I am so thankful for the extended time home.

While I am missing him this first night alone, I am reminded of and encouraged by the strength that suffering brings. I am trusting in my God for a peaceful spirit and strength through trials tonight and throughout this deployment.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Back to the Basics

Life is distracting. As a real estate agent, my days are often occupied with busy work that doesn't seem to produce any sort of life-improving results. My mind is filled with "remember to do this, call him back, meet her there, email that, learn this, and hurry hurry!" I've noticed that I have been neglecting much needed time each day to rest, reflect, read, pray, and rejuvenate amidst a life of so many distractions. How easy it is to get caught up in the race, to forget the basics.

Why am I here? What is my purpose? What is true contentment and how do I attain it? Meditating on the answers to these questions and revolving my life around such truths rebuilds my strength and focus. But without repetition, it is amazing how quickly distractions and lies sneak in to thwart my path.

Today I am re-centering, rebuilding strength, remembering the basics.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

All about ME

My husband is incredibly selfless. Lately I have been observing his natural tendencies to fulfill the wants and needs of others (especially me) before his own. He seems to have this innate ability to instantly react to others exactly as they wish, seemingly at the expense of his own happiness. But actually, what makes him most happy is making others happy. So he will go where they want to go, do what they want to do, etc. without complaint. Ever. The man seriously never complains. I admire and envy this trait.

And whose happiness does he (self proclaimed) concern himself most with? Well mine of course! This is obviously a normal and healthy phenomenon between two happily married people - we both aim above all else to make each other happy. However, sometimes I feel the balance is unfair. It is so easy to make B happy. Generally, if I'm happy, he is happy. Nothing much phases him or affects his level of happiness - not work, other people, life issues, worldly problems, etc.

Me on the other hand - I feel like there are so many things that can affect my happiness. I accept that part of the reason for this difference between us is that I am a woman - the more emotional being. Feelings and emotions tend to drive my moods and level of happiness. This is not a brand new epiphany. Obviously, this difference of the sexes is common knowledge to all. I just sometimes wish I operated on a simpler level. More cut and dry. Black and white. I sometimes wish I didn't wear my heart on my sleeve. B is so in tune with my moods that there is no avoiding the frequent discussions of what I'm dealing with at the very moment. His patience is astounding. In the three years that we've been married, I feel like I've personally been through a marathon of hills and hurdles. The growth and lessons learned have and continue to be well worth the struggle. It's just the idea of burdening B with the imbalance of emotional focus on me compared to him that I dislike. I used to deny certain aspects of my female nature (in an effort to fit in with and be more appealing to men) - especially my emotional tendencies - but as I grow older I am finally accepting and embracing that which separates me from men.

Yes, I am a woman. I like to talk about my feelings. B is a man. He does not like to talk about his feelings. But he sure is a great and willing listener when I need to talk. So I guess I'm okay with that.

I am grateful for a husband who has the patience and desire to continually join me in my personal therapy sessions, as I call my needs to talk about my feelings concerning day to day life, my job, my own growths, hurts, awakenings, observations, etc. I just don't want to get to a point where I am subconsciously taking advantage of my husband's willingness to put my wants and needs before his. He tells me that his role is to provide for and protect his bride and future family, and that a big part of that is doing what he can to make me happy. I don't deserve such loving and honorable treatment, but since I have been blessed with it the last thing I want to do is grow so accustomed that I lose appreciation and drift toward an "all about ME" attitude. How to combat this? I want to focus more on my husband's wants - not just the everyday-standard-good wife stuff, but truly considering unique ways to make him happy. Just because he naturally defaults to whatever I want to do, where I want to go, etc., constantly revolving around my happiness, doesn't mean he doesn't have opinions and wants hidden in there somewhere. I want to be more attune to him, and less to me. I know I will always primarily be more apt to talk about my feelings and blah blah blah, and I shouldn't expect him to do the same as it is contrary to his nature. But just because he doesn't like to talk about himself, his issues, world issues, other people's issues, (you catch my drift) doesn't mean there aren't other ways to focus attention in a more fair and balanced manor in our relationship.

Still learning and growing with each new day...