Wednesday, July 6, 2011
All about ME
My husband is incredibly selfless. Lately I have been observing his natural tendencies to fulfill the wants and needs of others (especially me) before his own. He seems to have this innate ability to instantly react to others exactly as they wish, seemingly at the expense of his own happiness. But actually, what makes him most happy is making others happy. So he will go where they want to go, do what they want to do, etc. without complaint. Ever. The man seriously never complains. I admire and envy this trait.
And whose happiness does he (self proclaimed) concern himself most with? Well mine of course! This is obviously a normal and healthy phenomenon between two happily married people - we both aim above all else to make each other happy. However, sometimes I feel the balance is unfair. It is so easy to make B happy. Generally, if I'm happy, he is happy. Nothing much phases him or affects his level of happiness - not work, other people, life issues, worldly problems, etc.
Me on the other hand - I feel like there are so many things that can affect my happiness. I accept that part of the reason for this difference between us is that I am a woman - the more emotional being. Feelings and emotions tend to drive my moods and level of happiness. This is not a brand new epiphany. Obviously, this difference of the sexes is common knowledge to all. I just sometimes wish I operated on a simpler level. More cut and dry. Black and white. I sometimes wish I didn't wear my heart on my sleeve. B is so in tune with my moods that there is no avoiding the frequent discussions of what I'm dealing with at the very moment. His patience is astounding. In the three years that we've been married, I feel like I've personally been through a marathon of hills and hurdles. The growth and lessons learned have and continue to be well worth the struggle. It's just the idea of burdening B with the imbalance of emotional focus on me compared to him that I dislike. I used to deny certain aspects of my female nature (in an effort to fit in with and be more appealing to men) - especially my emotional tendencies - but as I grow older I am finally accepting and embracing that which separates me from men.
Yes, I am a woman. I like to talk about my feelings. B is a man. He does not like to talk about his feelings. But he sure is a great and willing listener when I need to talk. So I guess I'm okay with that.
I am grateful for a husband who has the patience and desire to continually join me in my personal therapy sessions, as I call my needs to talk about my feelings concerning day to day life, my job, my own growths, hurts, awakenings, observations, etc. I just don't want to get to a point where I am subconsciously taking advantage of my husband's willingness to put my wants and needs before his. He tells me that his role is to provide for and protect his bride and future family, and that a big part of that is doing what he can to make me happy. I don't deserve such loving and honorable treatment, but since I have been blessed with it the last thing I want to do is grow so accustomed that I lose appreciation and drift toward an "all about ME" attitude. How to combat this? I want to focus more on my husband's wants - not just the everyday-standard-good wife stuff, but truly considering unique ways to make him happy. Just because he naturally defaults to whatever I want to do, where I want to go, etc., constantly revolving around my happiness, doesn't mean he doesn't have opinions and wants hidden in there somewhere. I want to be more attune to him, and less to me. I know I will always primarily be more apt to talk about my feelings and blah blah blah, and I shouldn't expect him to do the same as it is contrary to his nature. But just because he doesn't like to talk about himself, his issues, world issues, other people's issues, (you catch my drift) doesn't mean there aren't other ways to focus attention in a more fair and balanced manor in our relationship.
Still learning and growing with each new day...