Sunday, August 30, 2009

Soggy Sunday

Nothing beats a nap on the couch on a rainy Sunday afternoon. Well, I take that back. Had my hubby been here to join me, it would have been perfect. Needless to say, the nap was quite rejuvenating after a long Saturday night. I went out to hear a band play with some friends, but ended up frustrated and aggravated with society by the time we left. I haven't been on a night out without my husband since college, and I guess I forgot what it's like without a protective man by your side. Even flashing my ring around as much as possible was to little avail. I found myself struggling to keep control of my enraged feelings toward the completely intrusive, inappropriate, rude people. I don't care how much a person has had to drink. There are boundaries that should not be crossed, and frankly I'm sick of being a victim of such disgusting behavior.

Aside from my own experiences, I found myself contemplating certain generally accepted "nightlife behavior" in a new light. I think it's interesting how some men think it's appropriate to touch a woman in a bar or club just because he's passing by, and often encroaches on her space despite the fact that he has plenty of his own, or another obvious path is available. I see it as a convenient opportunity to touch something he likes. Also, why does speaking to a woman involve touching the small of her back? A polite gesture, or inappropriate advance?

I'm so thankful for the few gentleman out there and hope that the women who deserve them will find them.

I can't wait until my gentleman comes home! (Until then, I'll be a homebody on Saturday nights...)

Monday, August 24, 2009

Halfway Point!

One month down, one more to go! I've never welcomed Mondays more than during this deployment. He left 4 Mondays ago and every one marks another week down. I had lunch today with a friend whose husband is gone for 6 months. I couldn't help but feel thankful that my pilot only leaves for 2 months at a time. The days have been rolling by awfully slow lately. My plan to visit my friend in D.C. in a couple weeks fell through, so I'm hoping to make it back up to Nashville for a week or two, just to break up the month.

This weekend my friends and I went on a women's church retreat. We stayed on a lovely lake in Alabama, in the middle of nowhere! We didn't have cell service for about a 20 mile radius of the retreat center, which was a strange feeling. It's amazing how much we rely on our ability to communicate anytime, anywhere. I felt completely isolated out there where friends and family, and especially, my husband, couldn't reach me. For some people it was probably a nice relaxing relief, but for me, I think it created an additional stress that was a bit distracting. I was mainly concerned that I would miss a call from my husband, or that I wouldn't be available if God forbid, there was some kind of emergency. My cell phone has become the one opportunity to connect with my hubby and I am extremely attached to it these days. Even while showering, the ring is cranked extra loud as it rests on my bathroom vanity in plain view. But needless to say, I survived the withdrawal from society this weekend and had a nice time. My husband did call on Saturday, so I enjoyed a nice message on the drive home Sunday.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Home Sweet Home

What an adjustment from a week with my family of 6 to my quiet, but peaceful home. I enjoyed my week in Nashville. Being with the family provides plenty of distraction and excitement to keep me busy. I'm also finding that I love the opportunity to have this spontaneous, flexible schedule. I can spend a couple weeks home, a couple weeks elsewhere. So far it's helping the time fly by. This is one of the positive aspects of being currently unemployed. I like the idea of not being tied down when my pilot has to fly away. Sometimes I feel like I need to fly for a bit as well. I like the idea of a normal married life with routines and predictability, but I also like to see these deployment times as opportunities to do things that I might not, otherwise. The time that I've been able to spend with family means a lot to me. I have 3 younger sisters and often feel like I'm missing out on their lives because I'm married and far away. I like the idea of being able to spend more time with them during deployments. I'm also hoping to go on some missions trips and other travel adventures in the coming months and years.

The song "When September Ends" came on the radio twice today, which is strange for an older song. But anyway, I found these particular lyrics rather appropriate because I can't wait until September ends and my baby comes home. I think I'm finally used to this being alone, sleeping alone thing, though. By used to it, I don't mean I like it; however I can certainly bear it. I don't wake up every hour on the hour like I did for the first week or so. And my heightened awareness has calmed down a bit, so I don't react to every creek and crack.

Although I feel pretty adjusted and pleased with how things are going so far, I sometimes can't help but wish someone would just wake me up when September ends...

Friday, August 14, 2009

Attitude is EVERYTHING

This gorgeous new home and surrounding area is directly responsible for my lack of posts during the past week. My family is unpacked, somewhat settled and loving Nashville, their new hometown. Their house has a rolling back yard that meets a lovely pond. The stillness of this area resonates peace and serenity, which seems to have a direct affect on the people here. I have yet to encounter any rude individuals - even store and restaurant employees are exceptionally courteous and genuinely kind. This is a place where people wave or smile as they pass, whether they know you or not. I like that.
It's amazing how attitudes are contagious. A smile for no reason can turn someone's day around. I have a feeling this is an excellent place to learn how important positive attitudes are in life.
A few days ago I lost control of my attitude. I woke up feeling down and let myself dwell in sadness and frustration all day. I was conscious of what I was doing, but chose not to pull myself out of the rut. It's easy to let yourself travel down that road when your husband is away on his first deployment, just one of many more to come. Every frustration throughout the day is intensified by the underlying grief and sadness of missing your loved one. Anger, sadness and frustration are easy emotions to give in to. However, I've found that it is so much healthier and happier to remain in control of your attitude by making a decision every morning to make it a good day. The other day, I chose to make it a bad day. I certainly got it out of my system though, cause I haven't had one since, and don't plan to anytime soon.
Have a happy day! :-)

Friday, August 7, 2009

Sanity Check

It's official. I talk to myself when I'm alone. It happened for the first time today and I literally stopped what I was doing to take note and remember not to let it happen again! I know it's not a big deal, but when you're living alone for the first time, it's probably important to squash those issues before they develop further. So if I befriend a soccer ball named Wilson and begin confiding in him as my only companion, I'm relying on someone out there to rescue my sanity!

When the house is a bit too quiet for my taste, I seek the company of my TV friends. I'm afraid I'm forming unhealthy relationships with hosts of the Today Show, Rachel Ray and Ellen DeGeneres. They are quite reliable - joining me every day at the same time and place. And they don't require much from me. They're perfectly content to carry on, providing just enough background noise as I go about my business around the house.

And then my pilot calls! I usually get so excited when I see that weird number pop up on my phone that my heart starts racing and I answer the call in a jittery, high pitched voice, like a middle schooler who gets a call from her crush. I usually pace the house rather briskly as I talk. Today my hubby started laughing at me because he said I sounded out of breath while I went on and on about my day. It's hard to control my excitement sometimes! Even though I'm sad that he's gone, I don't let any negative feelings interfere with our fun phone time. I want him to know that everything is running smoothly on the homefront and I am doing well. I am comforted when we goof around over the phone like we do at home - telling silly jokes and phrases, and working in some of our "code words." Every call is monitored, so we created some sayings with alternative meanings that only we understand. ;-) I like the light-hearted nature of our conversations. It keeps us from dwelling on the obvious negative stuff - we already know how much it sucks to be apart and how much we miss each other. I think understanding that he misses me exactly as much as I miss him makes it easier. Those phone calls recharge me for the rest of the day.

I'm glad I have this blog. If anything, it will keep me from talking to myself. Please feel free to talk back!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

A New Season

I am home after a nice week with my family. Their bags are packed and boxes full. The moving truck arrives bright and early tomorrow morning. I spent 13 years in our beautiful house and will certainly miss the warm, predictable comfort of my childhood home - the smells, sounds and feelings attributed. Though my husband and I have a wonderful home of our own now, there is a sentimental aspect of my original "home" that will never be replaced.

While this is a new season for my family, it is for me as well. The word "home" is changing for me - not just because my family is moving, but because I have a home of my own now. This is a concept that is finally sinking in, after this first 6 months in our new house. I sometimes catch myself referring to my old and new home as "home." But this week away confirmed that the transition is nearly complete. While I was at my family's "home," I found myself homesick for my own "home."

I'm up late tonight baking and experimenting with new methods for shipping cookies overseas to my hubby. The last batch I sent arrived in crumbs, so I'm attempting to individually wrap each cookie in bubble wrap this time. The things we do for the ones we love!