Returning home from my trip to Nashville was bittersweet. Being with family during deployments is a great distraction and support, but being home with friends and plenty of things to do is great too. Unfortunately, I can't have it all at the same time. The downside of returning home is the quiet.. Oh how I hate the quiet nights! I have a very difficult time sleeping when B is away, which is very frustrating for me because I am normally an excellent sleeper. I always feel very safe and comfortable in our home, I just can't fully relax enough to sleep peacefully when he is away. So last night was rough and I knew it was going to affect my day today. After not sleeping much during the night, of course I woke up at 6:30, feeling drowsy and disoriented. I ended up falling asleep on the couch until about 9:00, which killed my plan to work out early before running errands and studying. So basically, my bad night carried over to a bad day. We've all been there - everything you try to accomplish feels like a failure, and everything that could go wrong, does. I knew a big part of it was my negative, grumpy attitude due to my lack of sleep and general frustrations. But I chose to remain in the clouds, feeling down most of the day. B called, and I lost it on the phone. I kept apologizing, and he reminded me that it's ok to cry, that it's a natural release that shouldn't be restrained. He's right. Sometimes you just need to let it out.
The turning point in my bad night that turned into my bad day, was this evening's spouse coffee. I always look forward to our monthly events, and especially appreciate them during deployments. I can't even describe how grateful I am for the amazing support group we have. I often refer to them as my "military family." It is so comforting to share this common bond with so many wonderful ladies. I am truly blessed to have the kind of support that can pull me out of the funk of a bad day and remind me of who I am and who's always there for me - God, my husband, family, and friends.
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I realized why I love your blog so much! You know exactly how to put in words what it's like, living with a spouse who frequently deploys. That life comes with very complicated feelings, not easy to take apart and explain. Yet you connect to your readers on a very personal level, and communicate feelings anyone, whether experiencing this or just reading about it, can relate to. I haven't seen you in person in a long time, but instantly feel connected to you when I read your blog. You really are going to make a great counselor! However much of that talent also lies in your ability to connect to others with words. Have you considered putting your language skills to work, and writing a book?
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