Halfway Point!

One month down, one more to go! I've never welcomed Mondays more than during this deployment. He left 4 Mondays ago and every one marks another week down. I had lunch today with a friend whose husband is gone for 6 months. I couldn't help but feel thankful that my pilot only leaves for 2 months at a time. The days have been rolling by awfully slow lately. My plan to visit my friend in D.C. in a couple weeks fell through, so I'm hoping to make it back up to Nashville for a week or two, just to break up the month.



This weekend my friends and I went on a women's church retreat. We stayed on a lovely lake in Alabama, in the middle of nowhere! We didn't have cell service for about a 20 mile radius of the retreat center, which was a strange feeling. It's amazing how much we rely on our ability to communicate anytime, anywhere. I felt completely isolated out there where friends and family, and especially, my husband, couldn't reach me. For some people it was probably a nice relaxing relief, but for me, I think it created an additional stress that was a bit distracting. I was mainly concerned that I would miss a call from my husband, or that I wouldn't be available if God forbid, there was some kind of emergency. My cell phone has become the one opportunity to connect with my hubby and I am extremely attached to it these days. Even while showering, the ring is cranked extra loud as it rests on my bathroom vanity in plain view. But needless to say, I survived the withdrawal from society this weekend and had a nice time. My husband did call on Saturday, so I enjoyed a nice message on the drive home Sunday.

Home Sweet Home

What an adjustment from a week with my family of 6 to my quiet, but peaceful home. I enjoyed my week in Nashville. Being with the family provides plenty of distraction and excitement to keep me busy. I'm also finding that I love the opportunity to have this spontaneous, flexible schedule. I can spend a couple weeks home, a couple weeks elsewhere. So far it's helping the time fly by. This is one of the positive aspects of being currently unemployed. I like the idea of not being tied down when my pilot has to fly away. Sometimes I feel like I need to fly for a bit as well. I like the idea of a normal married life with routines and predictability, but I also like to see these deployment times as opportunities to do things that I might not, otherwise. The time that I've been able to spend with family means a lot to me. I have 3 younger sisters and often feel like I'm missing out on their lives because I'm married and far away. I like the idea of being able to spend more time with them during deployments. I'm also hoping to go on some missions trips and other travel adventures in the coming months and years.


The song "When September Ends" came on the radio twice today, which is strange for an older song. But anyway, I found these particular lyrics rather appropriate because I can't wait until September ends and my baby comes home. I think I'm finally used to this being alone, sleeping alone thing, though. By used to it, I don't mean I like it; however I can certainly bear it. I don't wake up every hour on the hour like I did for the first week or so. And my heightened awareness has calmed down a bit, so I don't react to every creek and crack.


Although I feel pretty adjusted and pleased with how things are going so far, I sometimes can't help but wish someone would just wake me up when September ends...

Attitude is EVERYTHING

This gorgeous new home and surrounding area is directly responsible for my lack of posts during the past week. My family is unpacked, somewhat settled and loving Nashville, their new hometown. Their house has a rolling back yard that meets a lovely pond. The stillness of this area resonates peace and serenity, which seems to have a direct affect on the people here. I have yet to encounter any rude individuals - even store and restaurant employees are exceptionally courteous and genuinely kind. This is a place where people wave or smile as they pass, whether they know you or not. I like that.

It's amazing how attitudes are contagious. A smile for no reason can turn someone's day around. I have a feeling this is an excellent place to learn how important positive attitudes are in life.

A few days ago I lost control of my attitude. I woke up feeling down and let myself dwell in sadness and frustration all day. I was conscious of what I was doing, but chose not to pull myself out of the rut. It's easy to let yourself travel down that road when your husband is away on his first deployment, just one of many more to come. Every frustration throughout the day is intensified by the underlying grief and sadness of missing your loved one. Anger, sadness and frustration are easy emotions to give in to. However, I've found that it is so much healthier and happier to remain in control of your attitude by making a decision every morning to make it a good day. The other day, I chose to make it a bad day. I certainly got it out of my system though, cause I haven't had one since, and don't plan to anytime soon.

Have a happy day! :-)

Sanity Check

It's official. I talk to myself when I'm alone. It happened for the first time today and I literally stopped what I was doing to take note and remember not to let it happen again! I know it's not a big deal, but when you're living alone for the first time, it's probably important to squash those issues before they develop further. So if I befriend a soccer ball named Wilson and begin confiding in him as my only companion, I'm relying on someone out there to rescue my sanity!

When the house is a bit too quiet for my taste, I seek the company of my TV friends. I'm afraid I'm forming unhealthy relationships with hosts of the Today Show, Rachel Ray and Ellen DeGeneres. They are quite reliable - joining me every day at the same time and place. And they don't require much from me. They're perfectly content to carry on, providing just enough background noise as I go about my business around the house.

And then my pilot calls! I usually get so excited when I see that weird number pop up on my phone that my heart starts racing and I answer the call in a jittery, high pitched voice, like a middle schooler who gets a call from her crush. I usually pace the house rather briskly as I talk. Today my hubby started laughing at me because he said I sounded out of breath while I went on and on about my day. It's hard to control my excitement sometimes! Even though I'm sad that he's gone, I don't let any negative feelings interfere with our fun phone time. I want him to know that everything is running smoothly on the homefront and I am doing well. I am comforted when we goof around over the phone like we do at home - telling silly jokes and phrases, and working in some of our "code words." Every call is monitored, so we created some sayings with alternative meanings that only we understand. ;-) I like the light-hearted nature of our conversations. It keeps us from dwelling on the obvious negative stuff - we already know how much it sucks to be apart and how much we miss each other. I think understanding that he misses me exactly as much as I miss him makes it easier. Those phone calls recharge me for the rest of the day.

I'm glad I have this blog. If anything, it will keep me from talking to myself. Please feel free to talk back!

A New Season

I am home after a nice week with my family. Their bags are packed and boxes full. The moving truck arrives bright and early tomorrow morning. I spent 13 years in our beautiful house and will certainly miss the warm, predictable comfort of my childhood home - the smells, sounds and feelings attributed. Though my husband and I have a wonderful home of our own now, there is a sentimental aspect of my original "home" that will never be replaced.

While this is a new season for my family, it is for me as well. The word "home" is changing for me - not just because my family is moving, but because I have a home of my own now. This is a concept that is finally sinking in, after this first 6 months in our new house. I sometimes catch myself referring to my old and new home as "home." But this week away confirmed that the transition is nearly complete. While I was at my family's "home," I found myself homesick for my own "home."

I'm up late tonight baking and experimenting with new methods for shipping cookies overseas to my hubby. The last batch I sent arrived in crumbs, so I'm attempting to individually wrap each cookie in bubble wrap this time. The things we do for the ones we love!

Friday Fun

My youngest sister just turned 10. Tonight I surprised her with concert tickets to see her favorite singer, Demi Lovato. Yes, I spent my Friday night with thousands of screaming pre-teen girls, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I was waving my cell phone to the music along with everyone else. Being the oldest of four sisters, and 13 years apart from the youngest, I naturally spoil her rotten. Not only did I let her talk me into taking her to dunkin donuts for dinner, I also dropped $35 on a Demi Lovato t-shirt, bought glow sticks, concession stand food, a bottle of water for $4.50 and would have purchased some cotton candy had I not run out of cash. I'd say it was a pretty good night.



















On another note, my hubby called me on Skype last night. I fell asleep with my computer by my bed and woke to the Skype ring around 1 a.m. I was happy to hear from him, but it was harder to say good-bye and fall back to sleep with a call in the middle of the night. It's been quite an adjustment sleeping alone since he left and I think late night calls and video chats make it a bit worse for some reason. Maybe it's just me. I prefer daytime communication because I feel less vulnerable to my emotions, I think. He was able to call me this afternoon as well, which was wonderful! He finally made it to his final destination, so he'll be able to settle in and start a somewhat normal routine.

A big concern and struggle for spouses during deployments seems to be having fulfilling conversations on the phone. Any way you slice it, a call from my husband recharges my batteries. Whether or not we have much to talk about, just hearing his voice fills me with joy for the rest of the day. However, I've heard from other spouses and experienced during our long-distance dating, that it's sometimes easy to run out of things to say. This is especially the case when the deployed spouse can't talk about his mission or work overseas. Also, the pressure of knowing you only have a few minutes on the phone with your man can make it harder to remember what you want to say. I'm hoping to avoid falling into these ruts with a few pre-meditated plans for successful communication.

1. Write down stuff throughout the day to tell my husband. Every time something funny happens, or something reminds me of him, or I have a random question for him, I try to write it down. I like to take notes on my i-phone since I always have it with me.

2. Come up with alternatives to the boring convos. Before he left, we started reading a series of books together. We are in the middle of this series now. We're reading at the same pace and discussing the books when we talk/email. This provides a great subject matter for conversations. Also, I'm planning on finding some good websites/books with random, fun facts and jokes. My husband loves this kind of stuff. So finding a hobby or interest of your husband's to take part in somehow and integrate into conversations can be helpful. I think everyone likes a good joke now and then. I know that when he calls he wants to feel a brief escape from reality and a breath of fresh air from his love back home. I'm going to try to provide this creatively.

Communication Woes

My hubby is stuck somewhere on his way to his final destination in the Middle East. Unfortunately, this means no phones, so I haven't talked to him since he was in the states. He emailed me last night to let me know what's going on. I realize there will be times during the deployment when he won't be able to call me for a few days, but today was especially frustrating. He told me in the email to stick close to the computer if possible today since he won't be able to call. While helping my mom pack up the kitchen most of the afternoon, I had my computer open and logged onto Gmail and Skype just in case. Sure enough, he tried to contact me during the 15 minutes that I left the room to take a shower. Oh well. He left a very nice message.


I think that will be one of the most frustrating aspects of communication over the next couple of months. I hate the fact that I can't call him when I want to hear his voice, and that there will be times when I'll miss his calls or attempts to contact me. I get so mad at myself when this happens, but can I really expect to be 100% available every minute of the day? Other than keeping my phone ringer on extra loud and keeping Skype on when I'm around the house, I can't spend every waking moment waiting. This is something that I'll get used to over time, I'm sure.


My mom has a cute spice cabinet in her kitchen with a chalkboard on it. Today it reads, "The only difference between a good day and a bad day is your attitude." I love that. I make a conscious effort to rise each day remembering that it's up to me whether or not it will be a good one. Even when the love of my life is halfway across the world in this war, I continue to thank God for his abundant blessings in our lives and marriage. Circumstances could always be so much worse and I am grateful - even during the difficult times. We are healthy, happy and in love. And very soon we'll be in each other's arms again.